Monday, August 17, 2015

Lonesome ...

You know, Elvis was on to something when he came out with this :

It really sucks when you're one and only is on the other side of the world. Today for some reason .. well, this whole week end actually, I've been really missing Dev. And not just for practical reasons like taking out the garbage, or killing bugs.

No. I miss him for other reasons too.

I miss the way he smells. God, he smells good. All the time. It's a combination of the soap he uses, the cologne he wears and just the manly smell of him. I miss it.

I miss the way he holds my face in his hands when we gives me a kiss.

I miss cuddling him when there are thunder storms. There was this one night, there was a thunder storm outside, and it was really late. and it was just us .. in our room ... in our bed, and I swear to god, it was one of the most romantic nights we have ever spent together in the history of romantic nights.

I miss putting my head on his chest and listen to his heart beat when we lie on the couch and watch TV. Or when we're in bed and going to sleep.

Fuck, I miss lying in bed with him. And I just miss sleeping with him. I miss the way he throws an arm over me when she's asleep.

I miss coming home to smelling him cooking

I miss coming home to him.


End Of Story.

The End.

Friday, August 14, 2015

Late Nights and Teddy Bears

Man, today's a real scorcher out there.

35 degrees. Celsius.

There were only three things that could have made today better:

1. Not working.
2. A cold bevvie (of the alcoholic variety)
3. A pool (or beach - in the end beggars can't be choosers)

But you know what DID make today fucking amazing?

Rediscovering Kings of Leon!!

Okay okay okay ... so I fell in love with them all over again a couple of nights ago when I was cruisin' through YouTube land and found a HUGE playlist of pretty much everything they've ever done and then I stumbled upon a live concert that was uploaded to YouTube - which was amazing and reduced me to tears when they played Cold Desert.

I cried like a little girl. I mean I CRIED - curled in to my teddy bear that Dev bought me in Banff and just .. cried. I cried for several reasons.

a) Cold Desert makes me think of a really tough time that someone important to me was going through, and I remember feeling hopeless and having no idea how to help that person, except find music that might somehow encapsulate what they might have been feeling and going through at the time.

b) I really, really miss Dev. I generally don't feel all that lonely, but this song just hit me right in all the feels and I started to miss him a whole whole lot.

c) Dementors invaded my ovaries. Read THIS tumblr post and you'll understand. I also posted it on my FB as well, so if you follow me there, you can grab it off my FB Wall.

So, lesson learned. Do not listen to really sad songs when it's really late at night (or really early in the morning, depending on how you want to look at the situation) when you may or may not be a little sleep deprived, and really really really missing your other, insanely atrractive, absolutely delicious he smells so good, partner.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Music Is A Religion - Part 2

So, a friend of mine recently asked me to get a list together for her of about 6-12 songs that I really love - favourites, if you will - for a project she's working on. I'm not even quite sure what the said project is, I'm just glad to be involved, to be honest. Plus, it also gave me an excuse to get lost on the YouTube machine for a while and be able to justify my impending sleep deprivation tomorrow.

So, I picked twelves songs with only minor difficulty. For me, when it comes to favourite songs, I invariably go to songs that illicit some sort of emotional response, or they're part of special memories that I have. Now, I could simply just list the twelve songs on here and be done with it, but really ... where would be the fun in that? In order to have a little fun with it, I thought I'd break it down in to several different blog posts instead of one GIANT one which no one would probably ever read anyway. And then, what I think I'll do, is make ANOTHER list of twelve songs that I still really really like, but didn't make the list simply because I could only have twelve.

So, here's the first cut of songs that made the list and are in no particular order of favoritism:

1. Johnny Cash - Hurt

Now, when it comes to Johnny Cash, the Man in Black can do no wrong in my eyes. The man's a legend. I could listen to him all day long. When I decided that he needed to be on the list, my first thought was Ring Of Fire, or Walk The Line, Folsum Prison Blues, and A Boy Named Sue. But I chose this one because the first time I heard it, I must have listened to it fifty bazillion times.

I couldn't get enough of it.

I was dating a guy named Mike in University at the time, and we both just fell instantly in love with this. He was also in to WWE wrestling as well, and when WWE Superstar Eddie Guerrera died, this was the song they played as a tribute to him one night - one of the new nights when Mike was actually able to get me to watch wrestling with him. And we both sat there, on the couch watching countless wrestling fans and superstars talk about Eddie, and the kind of man he was, the kind of wrestler he was, and the kind of father he was. They talked about his highs, and his lows. And I remember, when they played this song over a montage of Eddie's highlights and photos, I cried.

Johnny did this song so simply, yet it's beyond powerful and it just guts me every time I hear it. When I first heard that Johnny Cash had died, this was the song I went to. And this was the song I cried to. This was the song that I had to go to in order to process that this amazing country legend wasn't around any more. This was the song, years later, when battling with my own self worth, that I would play very loudly, and on repeat, to get out the angst and the soul rendering feelings of inadequacy and doubt and shame and anger. This was the song, that when I was at my worst trying to be an adult, that was my anthem.

This song eventually taught me that I'd be okay.

2. The Tea Party - Sun Goin' Down

The Tea Party will always and forever have a special place in my heart. Probably because it was one of the first bands that big brother Ernie introduced me to that we both really, really liked. This was also the song that brought out a bit of a rebel in me, or at the very least made me realize that I had a bit of a rebel in me.

Ernie and I would almost always go for a drive on Sunday afternoons. I secretly think Ernie was a trucker in a past life. This song, and probably because of various Biblical references and the fact that he says "Jesus" really made me feel like a badass. The irony of singing this out loud, air drumming, on a Sunday afternoon was not loss on my young preteen self.

A decent degree of me thinking I was a badass was because that my parents are a conservative pair and we went to church every.single.Sunday. So, here I am ... a young preteen girl in between visits to church on any given Sunday, cruising with my big brother saying bad words like "Jesus" out loud ... Man, I musta thought I was badder than James Dean - and I only had a vague notion of who he was, but still. To my young self ... there was no badder girl on a Sunday afternoon.

This song is a secret to be kept, something special only to be shared between a brother and sister. I immediately took a liking to this song, and it became a standard request when Ernie and I would go driving. If it wasn't playing, I'd open the glove box and shuffle through the dozen or so mixed tapes he had in there until I found it. To this day, I'd never play this song in front of my parents. Mostly because a) they'd hear the word "Jesus" and want to turn it off immediately and b) it really isn't a part of their musical repertoire and c) I'd have to play it so loud, they'd loose they're hearing.

3. Ace of Base - The Sign 

This is another song that will always have a special place in my heart. I was in grade school when I remember Ace of Base first sitting the music scene. If I recall correctly, this album was really the only big success they had, and The Sign was by far they're biggest success. I think they released another album a few years later, but I think it flopped.

Anyway ... I think I was in Grade 5 or 6 when this album came out. A bunch of the cool kids had somehow gotten the bright idea, and the permission (!!), to bring a boom box to school. Another one of the cool kids (or at least, I thought they were cool ... which essentially put me in the decidedly not cool kid group) had bought this on CD and brought it to school and for like a month they would play this at lunch time. I remember hearing this so much, just from being at school, that I started to learn the words.

And, I will never forget the day during lunch, when I was sitting on my desk humming and singing along to the parts of the song I knew, my feet swinging happily in the air, that one of the cool kids saw me there sitting by myself kind of singing and dancing by myself shouting out, his voice all full of mockery: "HEY GUYS!! ALANNA'S SINGING ALONG AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THE WORDS!!!! BAAHAHAHAHA!"

At which point I did two things.

One. I immediately shut up.

Two. I was gonna show that kid that I did too know the words!! I was gonna go buy that CD.

So, if it wasn't directly after school, then it was a couple of days later that I looked at my Mom and said, in my most serious voice ever, that she had to take me to the mall, I needed to go buy some music. Here I am, a lanky little ten or eleven year old kid, firmly asserting that I was launching out on my own musical adventure and needed to buy music.

She was instantly dubious. I knew that if I didn't explain this music that kids my age were listening to these days, then I was never going to get that CD and I was going to be the only kid in school who had no idea what was going on. "Don't worry," I said, trying to sound as grown up as I could "We listen to it at school every day. There's no swearing in it or anything, and the teachers let us listen to it." Having assigned my elementary school's seal of approval to it, I thought it was a sure bet I was going to get this CD. I don't know if that's what sealed the deal, or if my mom saw the sheer desperation in my eyes, or if she knew how disappointed I'd be if I didn't get this CD or what, but I did get it.

A few days later, during lunch time Ace of Base is blaring out of our 6th Grade classroom. I'm sitting on my desk, singing and swinging my feet and feeling pretty good about myself.

Along comes one of the cool kids again. "Alanna, you don't even know the words."

"Uh, yeah I do! I have this CD at home - I bought it!"

Take that, cool kids everywhere!!

Sunday, August 2, 2015

The Week End!

Over the last few weeks, I am amazed at how awesome my week ends have been!

Last night was pretty low key, and I honestly spent most of the day sleeping. I guess I had been running on nervous energy for most of the week at work, and Friday was a total gong show. On the 21st of this month it hailed pretty bad (a natural occurrence that still blows my mind), and both my office, and the office on Riverside Drive are swamped! So, Wade (the branch manager) have been bustin' our tails pretty much almost since then to keep our team motivated, and keep the energy in the branch positive and light. Friday was also the last day of the Fiscal Year so we had a laundry list of small (though important) things to get done before we left for the day. The office closed at 6pm on Friday, but I ended up staying until almost 630pm because a customer got stuck in traffic. By the time I put gas in Blue Steele (my Pathfinder) and got home it was going for 700pm. I was supposed to go the gym with Wade but I was pooped. I had nothing left. So, I ate some food from BPs (which I will probably never do again, so thanks for that Ashley, haha!) was sound asleep by 830pm.

So, yesterday was actually a pretty chill day for the most part. I stayed in bed until about 10am. I really wasn't going to get up for anything or anyone, to be honest. 3pm rolled around and it was naptime. Then, around 6pm last night I get a txt from Ashley - haul ass outta bed man 'cause she's on her way over with wine, cheese, crackers, chocolate covered gogi berries (which are delicious by the way!) and there may or may not be movie time in there too! So. I slide outta bed and stumble around the bedroom.

My house was a mess, btw. So I had an hour to power clean. First things first though - I needed coffee. ASAP. Long story short, my house now looks amazing! I picked Ashley up and while I grabbed a quick shower she laid out an amazing spread and went spent hours drinking wine, eating amazing cheeses with delicious cheeses. It was low key, but I totally enjoyed every single minute of it.

Today, the plan is to get in a cardio workout at the gym, then we're gonna get fancy and hit Costco. I have to get food prepped for this week, so I'm screwed and the 2 lbs that I've lost in 2 weeks will have been a lot of hard work for nothing.

Last week end was more hectic, but equally amazing! Usually every month or so, our Corporate office in Calgary hosts a big party at the end of month so all of us from all of the southern Alberta branches can get together and hang out, talk over a few drinks, meet new people, and build on the relationships we already have in place and foster new ones. I haven't gone to very many of these but last Friday, I knew that I needed to be around people. So, I brought a change of clothes with me to work and headed down shortly after 6pm. It was amazing The food was great and it was just really, really good for me to get out and be seen and be social. I never got home until 1am, but the sleep deprivation was totally worth it! I had to work on Saturday, so it was pretty laid back after work. I walked to DQ with friends of mine and his 7 yr old son (who is SO cute). And then on Sunday, saw me back in Calgary and spending some quality girl time with my girl Erin! We shopped and I got some killer, sexy dresses for the summer, and then before we all headed back to Red Deer, we stopped for sushi. There's  really great all you can eat joint on 16th that I love! And y'know .. it's All. You.Can. Eat!

It's magical.

The week end before that was perfection!

Ashley somehow convinced me to go on a hike, and had I known how hard it was going to be, I probably would have said "Nope!" But I'm glad I went. We drove out towards Nordegg and did the All Stones hike, which takes you up above Abraham Lake. It is absolutely beautiful, and the view is spectacular! 

The hike is hard. Very hard. This particular spot where I took the photo is all loose rocks and relly soft dirt. Footing is precarious at best - on the way down it's treacherous. And while I'm a little sad to say that I didn't make it to the top, I'm so glad I went. My ego wanted to make it to the top so bad. But my body was screaming at me to stop. Take it easy. Come back and try again.

So, that's the plan. Ashley and I made a bet that if I don't make it to the top the next time we go again at the end of the summer then I owe her a steak dinner at a fancy restaurant and the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu. And I'm please to say that I am making progress!

Wade and James are keeping me motivated at the gym, Ashley has essentially become my nutrition coach, and Erin will forever be my girl! I am amazed at how each of these people have made their way in to my life. I've known Ashley, Wade and James for almost a year but they've never really been a part of my life until now. I guess the Universe knew that the time was coming when I would need them. If it wasn't for these people, I don't know how I would be coping with being away from Dev  - I still have no idea when he'll be back - but for them I am eternally grateful. The boys keep me laughing and motivated at the gym, they don't let me quit. And here I am ... on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon, planning my day around getting some quality time in at the gym to work off the copious amount of cheese and crackers I ate last night - something I have never done before. 

So, for all of you .. thank you. Thank you for being my friends, and entering my life at the exact moment when I needed you, and for filling the roles in my life that you were meant to. 

I am beyond grateful.