Thursday, June 25, 2015

Just ... Stuff.

My love left for Duabi today, on a month's vacation.

It's only been 8 hours since I saw the last of him, going through security.

He took off his shoes and put them in a tray.
Next was the cell phone and laptop.
His messenger bag (which is grey, if he asks you, and not green like he insists it is).
Through the scanner thing that beeps if you don't make the cut - which he evidently did.
Shoes and belts were put back on, items were collected, bags reshouldered.

And all the while, I stood there, outside of the security checkpoint, hungry for one last look at him. He would look back at me every few minutes, trying to tell me to go home. He'd see that I was still there, and he'd shake his head and laugh at me. I'd blow him a kiss. Mouth the words "I love you." And then there was one final wave and he was gone.

Off to get on a plane, fly 8 or 9 hour to Amsterdam, arriving at the ungodly hour of 815am. And then somehow manage to slog through a 6 hour layover in the Amsterdam airport. There's a bar there I'm sure. I have no doubt Dev will be there, drinking himself into the kind of stupor that's an international flight calls for - the kind where you cross the international date line and suddenly find yourself in the future, while the rest of us have no idea that we're hanging out in the past like a bunch of fuckin' schmucks.

I watched him disappear in to the throng at the airport. People bustling off to their various destinations, and there were only minor tears involved. But we'll see how long that lasts. The day isn't done yet.

I'm excited for him to be home. Yet, knowing the way life goes, I'm a little scared (oka ok ok .. bullshit. I'm A LOT scared) of the changes that could come from this vacation. There's a part of me - the part that still believes that evryone gets a fairy tale and that they really do come true - that is almost entirely convinced that while home, Dev will get an amazing job, and that I will move there. We'll break the news to his family. We're engaged. We're married. We're living together the life that we've always wanted.

And I'm totally crazy to think that all that will happen. Some day I know that some of it will, but I'm trying to tell myself to basically calm the fuck down.

We've talked about getting engaged We've talked about getting married, and the weddings we'll have. Yes, you read that right. I said weddings.

Plural.

More than one.

And they're going to be fucking amazing, thank you very much.

All these things are going to happen for us. We're going to make them happen.

I wonder if this is how it all starts? Is this the beginning of my fairy tale ending?